You might be a Democrat if… (Part I)

(Original author unknown)

You might be a Democrat if:

• You own something that says, “Dukakis for President, ” and still display it.
• You’ve ever said, “We really should call the ACLU about this.”
• You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
• You ever based an argument on the phrase, “But they can afford a tax hike because…”
• You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
• You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
• You can’t talk about foreign policy without using the word conspiracy.
• You think Ralph Nader makes a lot of sense.
• You don’t understand why anyone was bothered by Jane’s trip to Hanoi.
• You think solar energy is being held back by those greedy oil companies.
• You’ve never been mugged.
• You actually expect to collect Social Security.
• You think the State of Florida should have tried to reform Ted Bundy.
• You think the Great Society has actually worked.
• You don’t see the similarity between WONK and WANK.
• You got teary-eyed during the film “The American President.”
• You think Ayn Rand is an African currency.
• Your house smells like a garbage dump because of your commitment to recycling.
• You think political patronage describes the Kennedy family.
• Your High School Year Book goals included the words “help people.”
• You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese.
• You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore.
• You believe personal injury lawyers when they say they are just trying to defend the little guy.
• You know that those profit mongering drug companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really wanted to.
• You actually believe the NY Times and Washington Post.
• You know at least one Vegan.
• You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she was driving.
• You’d rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock.
• You think public housing is great, but just NIMBY.
• You think the anti-war protestors from ’60s are the real heroes.
• You think that Supply Side Economics refers to your dope dealer’s stash.
• You think Michael Jackson is a great example of diversity.
• You actually think that poverty can be abolished.
• You think that Joan Baez had something to say.
• You admire the Swedish welfare system.
• You know that Jefferson really meant to say “Entitled to Happiness.”
• You think the Flat Tax should be at 95%.
• You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one can call you homophobic.
• After looking at your pay stub you can still say, “America is undertaxed.”

Also see: You might be a Democrat if…(Part II)