POLITICAL PRIMER: How To Play It Safe

The problem in politics is that what you say is always being compared to what you do. So it is better to show up at work and vote “present” (NV, or No Vote). That way it is hard for anyone to pin you down on a real issue and you don’t take any chances upsetting your fat cat contributors. [Obama's Voting Record]

You need to have a good strong resume that can be manipulated. For instance going to work for a Law Firm that specializes in Civil Rights and has political contacts. Then you can claim to be a Civil Rights Lawyer who litigated cases. Oops, slight problem here the Courts system tracks all appearances…er, perhaps you should just say Civil Rights lawyer and not tell people that you were just a glorified law clerk who only made it into court occasionally. Some people might call your position in that law firm “token”. They have another name for it on the street, but let’s stay PC here. [Chicago Sun-Times]

Write an autobiography where you can embellish facts and omit information. Change small printing and research company to an international consulting firm, after all they did talk to international writers. [NY Times] Tell people how you gave up this great career to become a community organizer (another token) in Chicago and then take credit for the work of others. [CBS2Chicago] Make sure you and your wife punctuate this as your “defining moment”. [US News & World Report]. Hide facts and information that you don’t want revealed and refuse to talk about your years at Columbia University. [NY Times]

While “working” to improve living conditions in the slums, make friends with the slum lord and have him help finance your political ambitions. [Chicago Sun-Times] Learn to use the Alinsky method of social organizing. [Saul Alinsky, Rules For Radicals] Support other like-minded (Socialist) politicians. [Accuracy in Media]

Use rhetorical powers to smooth ruffled feathers when you slip up and tell people what you really believe. Note: Do not call American voters bitter. Remember they are clinging to the archaic beliefs of religion and think their guns can protect them. Don’t tell them why you favor gun registration and the removal of all semi-automatics, but vote for concealed carry for retired police officers to get the endorsement of the Fraternal Order of Police. Say anything you have to in order to get elected.

Dump your close friends and advisors, at least publicly, when the media gets too close. It is a good idea to have backup advisors. Remember only watch out for Number One, but make others believe that you care about them and are loyal.

Develop a Slogan that has a double meaning.

The best advice on how to play it safe is to learn to distance yourself from reality and learn to lie with a straight face. The voters are stupid and will believe anything if delivered in a singsong cadence by a good orator who looks concerned.