Guantanamo Closure Plan Ordered: Who Want’s ‘Em?

No one that’s who…

US Defense Secretary Robert Gates has ordered plans to be drafted for the closure of the Guantanamo Bay detention centre, the Pentagon says.

A team was looking at moving inmates from the facility in a way that continued to protect the American people, a spokesman said.

About 250 detainees remain in the controversial Cuba camp.

US President-elect Barack Obama says closing the camp “in a responsible way” is one of his top priorities.

Mr Obama, who takes office on 20 January, said earlier this week he aimed to close the facility within two years.

Pentagon spokesman Geoff Morrell said Mr Gates – who is to retain his position in the new administration – had wanted to be prepared in case Mr Obama wished to tackle the issue “early in his tenure”.

“He has asked his team for a proposal on how to shut it down, what will be required specifically to close it and move the detainees from that facility, and at the same time protect the American people from dangerous terrorists,” he said.

More from BBC

We all know that one of the largest obstacles to shutting this place down is going to be finding a country willing to take the suicidal knuckleheads in.  Personally I’m in favor of an unexplained fire.  Problem solved!

Here’s a few things you may not have known about some of the failed jihadi merry men that may make you consider opening your doors to them or possibly renting out that Miami condo your Auntie Grace left you.

In no particular order:

Ibrahim al-Adham is good with children (he’s fathered 16) and can cook an egg 213 different ways.  His egg cooking prowess won him many wives and goats prior to being captured by American forces on the battlefield where he was found cowering in a hole clutching an unloaded 9mm and a copy of Obama’s book, “The Audacity of Hope.”

Can he come live with you?

Yusuf Abu Baseer al-A Asimi is fond of goats and young boys.  His talents include sweet talking young boy’s into his tent with his dreamy eyes and then not calling the next day.  In his circle of influence he is known as quite the player and free style rapper.

Can he come live with you?

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Attiya Allah unfortunately is the victim of centuries of inbreeding and is pretty much useless other than his uncanny ability to quote Sean Penn movies and touch his elbow with is own tongue, a talent not lost on the local goat herd.  Hates kids, hates women, pretty much hates humans in general…

Can he come live with you?

NOTE: If you voted for Pelosi or Reid you may not know I made this up… I’m still in favor of the fire idea…