MIAMI: In reaction to the hurricane in Florida (caused by the evil Bush’s failed policies) our Dear Leader, Barack I, expressed his great love and concern for victims by dispatching emergency abortion teams. “No child deserves to be born in the middle of a disaster area,” spake The One.

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NY: Police officer Paddy O’Malley was sentenced to 50 years hard labor for giving Senator Khalid Sheik Mohammed a dirty look, while wearing a cross.