I had a spare afternoon, so I called up the laughable National Security Hotline and ASIO.

Pictured are three of the gals I spoke to at the National Security Hotline and ASIO, and the P.A for the Attorney General. They’re in deep conference about who these mysterious “terrorists” could be. And getting their nails done. “Terrorists? Whatever! Like, der!”

Dear sports, no, really. I did call the whip crack smart super security portals and departments in charge of our er, security against our mortal enemy, [as yet un-named].

Dig my recent Fisk on the real life parody that is the National Security website. Enjoy your tax dollars and naive trust in our boob laden authorities at work. But then, they do allow hijab wearing Muslims to er, “man” the x-ray and security pantomime at our airports. I kid you not.

By “whip crack smart”, I mean a beyond belief parody of PC’ism, the disingenuous, the incompetent, the stupid and the skirting of treason by manipulating and omitting harsh facts that put Australia and its people at grave and serious risk. And oh yes, threatening the average citizen with bankrupt laws, if they dare to not play the game and point out the bleeding obvious to the overpaid and unreachable.

So oatmeal sharp really. In short, our major security services are apparently some kind of absurd and profoundly disturbing joke. A gravediggers joke. So keep laughing if you can, or call ASIO. Be polite and expect nothing, and you’ll never be dissappointed. The National Security Hotline is waiting for your call, unless it’s lunch. Ask for Sir Arthur Streebgreebling. No, not really but you may as well be asking for a pizza delivery or that great new melon peeler you saw advertised.

I said to the little dears that I had hoped that ASIO was better than their reputation, but my hopes were sadly crushed and without ceremony.

Now nowhere on the NS website do they mention who the terrorists are, either by name, profile, what drives them, where they are likely to be from, what their goals are and so on ad nauseum.

Now, they were nice enough people for what nice is worth, which ain’t much. Though they were well, snooty, rather unnatural and not straight speaking whatsoever and all but useless. And all but one hung up on me when I asked the utterly basic question “Can you tell me who these terrorists are?”

The Attorney Generals Personal Assistant[!] said and I quote as best I can remember, “I can’t do that”. Why not exactly? Then resign, dear boob.

Colonel Neville: “So you’re from National Security and you cannot tell me who these terrorists are but you expect the average citizen to identify them for you and let you know?”

PA: “I’m not prepared to continue this conversation…” [How convenient and ridiculous.]

Colonel Neville: “Then that makes you incompetent or dishonest”.

Sound of hung up phone. “Brrrrrrr”. Oooh, sooooo chilly!” Continue reading at Colonel Robert Neville Always Dresses For Dinner.