A Truly Sad Day

I don’t know what disturbs me most, Mark Sanford’s infidelity or the public response to it.

I’m a South Carolinian.  I’ve been a very vocal supporter of Mark Sanford and I worked as a volunteer in his first campaign for governor.  I was at his victory party when he won the first time.  I and a friend prayed with him at that party.  It was an incredible moment!  From then until now, I’ve stood with Mark Sanford.

Mark Sanford is that rare person who actually lives what he believes regardless of the consequences.  That is until now.  And that is what makes this so troubling.  This affair was so totally out of character for Sanford that his supporters would never have seen it coming.  When I heard the news today I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.  I went through the afternoon is sort of a fog.

I had high hopes for a Sanford run for the White House in 2012.  I believed he was the absolute best man for the job.  Indeed, if not for this, he would have been.  He was becoming the standard bearer for principled conservatism.  He was the real deal.

All that is history now.  Sanford’s political career is over.  Any presidential aspiration he may have had are now beyond reach.  He’ll be lucky if he manages to stay in the governor’s mansion for the duration of his term.

I’ve wrestled with this all afternoon.  How do I feel?  I feel betrayed but what else?  What do I think should happen?  Reaching a rational conclusion has been complicated by the reactions of others.  I’ve been bewildered by much of what I’ve heard and read.  Twitter has been awash with attacks under the #sanford hashtag.  There has been sheer glee on the part of many on both the right and the left!  I found it simply disgusting and had to stop following the stream.

Many conservative whom I’ve come to respect and follow were piling on Sanford in an apparent attempt to outdo the vitriol of the left.  Sanford might have been Satan himself, or worse.  In the face of all that I found it difficult to even think straight about the whole situation.

Then I ran across a post from, of all places, Slate, that gave me some perspective.  In that piece John Dickerson says:

The minute Sanford started speaking, the reviews poured in via e-mail and Twitter. He was rambling, confused. He didn’t tear up enough when talking about his wife. He favored his mistress. He answered the questions too thoroughly. All these judgments seemed absurd. A man standing in front of a bank of cameras in the middle of a complete collapse is going to say a lot of things poorly.

A little farther on Dickerson says:

I’m not offering Sanford’s humanity as an excuse. I’m just marveling at how few people stopped for a moment to even nod to it. My thoughtful colleague William Saletan and Andrew Sullivan were exceptions. Maybe there are others. Maybe people expressed these views in private conversations. But in the e-mails and Twitter entries and blog posts I read in the aftermath, Sanford’s human ruin was greeted with what felt like antiseptic glee. The pain he’s caused, the hypocrisies he’s engaged in, seemed like license to deny him any humanity at all.

Read the piece.  I’m fighting the temptation to quote the whole thing.  It’s really worth your time.

Sanford is not Bill Clinton.  I don’t believe he ever felt entitled to whatever he wanted, including women.  He messed up.  He allowed a relationship to develop that was inappropriate.  In my view, it is always inappropriate for a married person to allow a deep, personal relationship to develop with a member of the opposite sex not their spouse.  It is dangerous and very often leads to an affair, as it did in this case.  The truth is, there’s not a person alive who couldn’t fall into the same trap given the right circumstances.  It requires some diligence on each person’s part to guard against that sort of thing getting started int he first place.

Sanford didn’t guard himself.  He didn’t guard his heart.  I’m sure he never considered that he needed to because he never believed he would be the guy having an affair.  His principles just wouldn’t allow it.  Except principles are no match for feelings when feelings are allow to develop unchecked.  I know that unless I take precautions to prevent the beginning of something, I could do what Sanford did.  And so could you!  If you don’t think so, you’re fooling yourself and you could be in for a fall, just like Mark Sanford.

I understand how Sanford ended up where he is.  He’s human and subject to human failings.  But understanding is not excusing and actions have consequences.  I’ve come to the conclusion that Sanford should resign for a couple of reasons.  First, he needs to focus all his attention on his family.  He doesn’t need the responsibilites of the state house in the way of that.  If his marriage is to survive, he has to make sacrifices and that should start with the governorship.

Second, I don’t think he can govern now.  Maybe, if he’d only had the affair, he could.  But the strange disappearance, the trip to Argentina, not letting anyone know where he was and all the unanswered questions make it impossible for him to stay.  He should have resigned today.  I think he will resign within the next week.

In the face of all this, fortunate isn’t a word most people would apply to Mark Sanford today, yet I submit he is fortunate indeed.  He has a wife who is willing to put the effort into restoring their marriage so long as she believes he’s willing to put in the same effort.  Jenny Sanford’s statement, released this afternoon, is sheer class and it’s much more than Mark Sanford deserves at this point.  She is no doormat as some would portray her.  She is clearly a strong woman who values her children and he marriage.  Her statement is all over the internet but I’ll include it below because I think it is a model for all Christian women who face similar circumstances.

The Sanford’s are in a precarious situation.  In spite of my deep disappointment with Mark Sanford, I am praying him, for Jenny and for the boys.  I pray that their marriage will be restored and that the boys will recover from the hurt they must feel.  And I pray that someone will rise up to replace Mark Sanford as the standard bearer of true conservatism.

Jenny Sanford’s statement:

I would like to start by saying I love my husband and I believe I have put forth every effort possible to be the best wife I can be during our almost twenty years of marriage. As well, for the last fifteen years my husband has been fully engaged in public service to the citizens and taxpayers of this state and I have faithfully supported him in those efforts to the best of my ability. I have been and remain proud of his accomplishments and his service to this state.
I personally believe that the greatest legacy I will leave behind in this world is not the job I held on Wall Street, or the campaigns I managed for Mark, or the work I have done as First Lady or even the philanthropic activities in which I have been routinely engaged. Instead, the greatest legacy I will leave in this world is the character of the children I, or we, leave behind. It is for that reason that I deeply regret the recent actions of my husband Mark, and their potential damage to our children.

I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity, dignity and importance of the institution of marriage. I believe that has been consistently reflected in my actions. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity I worked immediately to first seek reconciliation through forgiveness, and then to work diligently to repair our marriage. We reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong. I therefore asked my husband to leave two weeks ago.

This trial separation was agreed to with the goal of ultimately strengthening our marriage. During this short separation it was agreed that Mark would not contact us. I kept this separation quiet out of respect of his public office and reputation, and in hopes of keeping our children from just this type of public exposure. Because of this separation, I did not know where he was in the past week.

I believe enduring love is primarily a commitment and an act of will, and for a marriage to be successful, that commitment must be reciprocal. I believe Mark has earned a chance to resurrect our marriage.

Psalm 127 states that sons are a gift from the Lord and children a reward from Him. I will continue to pour my energy into raising our sons to be honorable young men. I remain willing to forgive Mark completely for his indiscretions and to welcome him back, in time, if he continues to work toward reconciliation with a true spirit of humility and repentance.

This is a very painful time for us and I would humbly request now that members of the media respect the privacy of my boys and me as we struggle together to continue on with our lives and as I seek the wisdom of Solomon, the strength and patience of Job and the grace of God in helping to heal my family.