Christmas with a capital “C” Video by the Go Fish Guys (with Lyrics)

(Updated with Lyrics)

Back by popular demand. Here are the Go Fish Guys, who explain why it’s not “Happy Holidays.” Warning: This music will make you want to dance.

 

Lyrics

I remember when people used to say “Merry Christmas” to each other. EVERYBODY said “Merry Christmas…Hey, Merry Christmas to you, Mr. Lowenstein!” You know why? Because it wasn’t about a religion, it was about something as a culture we thought was so valuable, that we all would do it together even if I disagreed with the religion behind it because it was good for ALL of us instead of just me. But what do people say now…”Happy Holidays.” See I just say “Happy Holidays,” because I don’t want to say “Christmas,” because you don’t believe in Christmas, because I don’t want to offend you because….

It’s called Christmas!

Well I went to the coffee shop to get myself a Mocha,
The lady at the counter said “Happy holidays!”
I said, “Thanks lady, I am pretty happy,
But there’s only one holiday that makes me feel that way.”

It’s called Christmas, what more can I say?
It’s about the birth of Christ and you can’t take that away.
You can call it something else, but that’s not what it will be.
It’s called Christmas with a capital “C.”

God’s got a law and we pretty much destroyed it.
We’re gonna get judged, there’s no way to avoid it.
But Jesus came down to take the punishment for me.
He did it for you too, so maybe you can see.

Why It’s called Christmas, what more can I say?
It’s about the birth of Christ and you can’t take that away.
You can call it something else, but that’s not what it will be.
It’s called Christmas with a capital “C.”

It’s called Christmas!

Oh, yes we want to say happy holidays because we don’t want to leave anybody out. Really, how come there’s a ton of holidays in February but no one says happy holidays then? They say what it is, “Happy Valentines Day…OOH do you believe in love?”

It’s called Christmas!

But no body wants to say “Christmas,” everything but Christmas, why I know why, you do too, it’s because it’s got Christ in it and after thousands of years he’s still intimidating people, you see when a religious figure says “I am the way” people don’t wanna hear it.

It’s called Christmas!

I say you gotta say merry Christmas ’cause it is! and if you don’t believe in it fine, but I got a flash for you, Christianity happens to be the religious heritage of my country whether you like it or not.

It’s called Christmas!

So if you’re not Christian or you don’t like it, and you don’t want Christmas to be celebrated, well then God Bless You, but if you’re think you’re gonna stop me from sayin’ it because it offends you, I gotta flash for you. Put a helmet on, ’cause it’s my country too.

It’s called Christmas, what more can I say?
It’s about the birth of Christ and you can’t take that away.
You can call it something else, but that’s not what it will be.
It’s called Christmas with a capital “C”!

Laughing Matters: The Santa Recall Vote

The following is from Charles Marshall is a Christian comedian and author. Visit his Web site,

I was five-years-old when I found a tiny baby doll in my Christmas stocking. To make matters worse, Santa had given my sister a toy fire truck that I intuitively knew should’ve been mine. It took years of therapy to get over the trauma.

How could Santa make such a colossal blunder? What else might he be messing up? Was he just flying around, dispensing toys higgly-piggly in heaven only knows whose stockings? A kid in Zambia gets an ice fishing kit? An Eskimo child gets an elephant saddle?

My confidence further eroded as I examined the Santa historical records, otherwise known as Christmas songs. For example, Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer states: “Then one foggy Christmas Eve…”

That’s foggy, mind you. Not snowy. Not blizzardy. Just foggy!

“…Santa came to say, ‘Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?’”

I find it astounding that Santa-this amazing problem-solver, who routinely crams toys for all the children of the entire earth into one sleigh and then delivers them in one night and has even figured out a way to make reindeer fly-is stumped by fog. Let a little of it roll in and he’s completely dumbfounded.

“Uh-oh. Looks like we’ve got fog. Never seen this before. Unless I can find a mammal with some sort of luminescent appendage, we’re gonna have to call the whole thing off.”

What about a couple of fog lights, Santa? Shouldn’t the song be: “I got me a couple o’ halogens, now I can make my rounds again!”

To me, it sounds like Santa is just looking for a reason to goof off. Could it be the reason for his sloppy work of late is that he’s ready to retire? It makes me wonder if Santa is still fit for the job. Maybe it’s time to start a Santa recall petition.

But that, of course, begs the question: Who could we get to fill the position?

The obvious replacement is Arnold Schwarzenegger. The extra exposure could really benefit him as he advances toward his ultimate goal of controlling the universe.

My recommendation is that we let Santa stay on with the company but transfer him to the Easter Egg Delivery Division. We could then promote the Easter Bunny to Santa’s present job, just as long as he promises not to needle Santa about it.

The best thing about Christmas, though, is also the most dependable-Jesus. In a world of uncertainty, it helps to know that there is a love that is willing to suffer any hardship for my benefit.

I’ve found that love to be the one constant on this planet, and I see it demonstrated nowhere more clearly than God sending his son on a dangerous rescue mission to save mankind from an eternity spent apart from him.

By the way, regarding the Easter Bunny’s promotion, we’ll have to be sure that everyone keeps their dogs locked up on Christmas Eve. It wouldn’t do for the kids to find Santa Bunny lying in front of the tree on Christmas morning. There isn’t enough therapy in the world to treat that kind of trauma.

© 2009 Charles Marshall

JibJab and OfficeMax are Back with ElfYourself 2009

To continue the tradition of making yourself look funny for the entertainment of your friends (or vice-versa), as well as creating combo-words by removing the the traditional spaces, “JibJab” has teamed up with “OfficeMax” again this year to produce “ElfYourself.”

So be a “WebWarrior” and go try it, at ElfYourself.com, or by clicking on “Get Started” on the image above.

If you’re not quite ready to celebrate Christmas, yet (for example, perhaps you want to celebrate Thanksgiving, first?), check out one of Oklahoma’s favorite (albeit politi-confused) country singers, Toby Keith, using this technology used in American Ride.

Toby Keith   More CMT Music   More CMT Music Videos

 

Hat-Tip TechCrunch

 

Liberty Counsel Launches the Seventh Annual ‘Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign’

From the Liberty Counsel:

Liberty Counsel has launched its seventh annual “Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign,” pledging to be a “Friend” to those who recognize Christmas and a “Foe” to those who censor it. In Amelia Ohio, town officials caused an uproar when they attempted to change the name of a “Christmas parade” into a “holiday parade.” In response, the city council decided to cancel the parade after one person questioned whether the city could be sued for celebrating Christmas. Liberty Counsel has offered legal assistance to city officials.

Last year, Liberty Counsel defended an employee who was fired because she wanted to greet people with “Merry Christmas.” Liberty Counsel filed suit and the employer agreed to settle the case by paying damages to the fired employee. Liberty Counsel has handled numerous situations involving Christmas [download .pdf]. Liberty Counsel has worked on cases involving nativity scenes on public property, senior living centers that banned elderly residents from singing Christmas carols, a Massachusetts school which banned students from wearing red and green because they are Christmas colors, school officials who censored religious words from Christmas carols, and companies which renamed Christmas trees “holiday trees.”

On its web site, www.LC.org, Liberty Counsel offers a Help Save Christmas(tm) action pack, which includes educational legal memoranda to educate government officials, teachers, parents, students, private businesses, employees, and others that it is legal to celebrate Christmas. The action pack also includes an “I ♥ CHRISTmas^TM” button, an “I Helped Save Christmas” bumper sticker and button, and sample ads for use in local newspapers. The ads point out that celebrating Christmas is perfectly legal in schools, on public property and in private businesses and offer Liberty Counsel’s free assistance to those facing criticism for celebrating Christmas. Many churches have placed these ads in local newspapers. Thousands of public school teachers and administrators, who are members of Christian Educators Association International, have joined Liberty Counsel’s Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign.

As part of the annual Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign, Liberty Counsel publishes a “Naughty and Nice” list which catalogs retailers who either censor (”naughty”) or recognize (”nice”) Christmas. The list is compiled from information gathered by individual consumers and is updated whenever new information is received.

Mathew D. Staver, Founder and Chairman of Liberty Counsel and Dean of Liberty University School of Law, remarked about the Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign: “Renaming a Christmas tree to a holiday tree, stopping students from wearing red and green, and censoring religious Christmas carols are absurd, but true, examples of the war against Christmas. Over the past few years the ‘Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign’ has successfully put the ‘grinches’ on the run. This year millions of Americans will join us to help save Christmas. If a government entity censors Christmas in violation of the Constitution, then we will first seek to educate but, if necessary, we will litigate. If retailers choose to profit from Christmas while pretending it does not exist, then we will patronize their competitors.”

 

Christmas Lights for Dittoheads

And for our first official Christmas post of 2010, we bring you this from the FailBlog.org.

 

“PC” Holiday, Brad Paisley-Style (Video and Lyrics – “Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday”)

(Re-posted and updated from 12/25/07)

Brad Paisley and his puppet friends poke fun at the politically-correct crowd, as they try to put together a PC Holiday song.

 

Lyrics, courtesy of Sing365:

And now the Grand Ole Opry theater proudly presents a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos

Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you’re easily offended well that’s okay
It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night huddled around a camp fire.

How ‘bout we sing some holiday songs?
Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?
Yeah, I got one.

Oh Chri-biip-mas tree oh Chri-biip-mas tree how lovely are thy branches…

Why am I getting bleeped again?
Haven’t you heard guys? You can’t say Chri-biip-mas you gotta say Holiday
I can’t say Chri-biip-mas?
No, you might offend somebody.
Who is offended by Chri-biip-mas?
You know you might offend the biiiips and the biiiips and the atheists.
What?
Time to politically correct.

I’ll lead this off.

On the first day of Chri-biip-mas my true love said to me…

Jimmy, are you listening?
What?
You can’t say Chri-biip-mas.
Why not?
If you can say he-biiiip on the last record,
Why can’t I say Chri-biip-mas?
I didn’t make the rules.
Hey listen guys, it’s not that difficult, all you gotta do is change Chri-biip-mas to Holiday.
You know, instead of saying white Chri-biip-mas, you say I’m dreaming of a whi-biiip Holiday.
Why did I get bleeped?
You’ve got to say Caucasian.
So I have to sing, I’m dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?
Sure, that won’t offend anyone.

Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you’re easily offended well that’s okay

Why do these people have to feel that way? How come they get offended so easily?

It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

I’m just trying to come up with a song here.
Let’s sing one together, everybody ready? George?
Ready.
Bill you ready?
I’m ready.
Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
Okay!

We three kings of or-biiiiiiiiip are bearing gifts we’ve traveled real far….

Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now.
What?
Oh, come on just try.
I’ve got to get hyped up for this.

We three kings of Asia are….

That sounds like horse cr-biiiip
Oh lord, okay. How ‘bout Little Drummer boy?
Nope, that offends short people.
And you can’t say drummer ‘cause that’ll offend real musicians.

How ‘bout little –hahaha- town of Bethlehem.
What’s with all the short jokes?

Hey how ‘bout we do Silent Night?
No, it offends people hard of hearin’ and afraid of the dark.
What did he say about a shark?
SHARK?

This happens every year.

Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say,
If you’re easily offended well that’s okay,
It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.

Ho! ho! ho!
No.
I can’t say ho?
No, you might offend some… women.
So basically, we can’t sing anything?

I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.
Softer, George, it’s more effective.
I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.
Wait just a dar-biip minute…
No, no, no..
You know what? I don’t care who we offend, I’m gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Louder, Bill, it’s more effective.
I don’t care who we offend, I’m gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Me too.

We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, and a happy ne-biip year.

We can’t say new; it’ll offend the old folks.
And you better not offend them.

Us…

FHK Christmas Archive

Click here or on the photos to view our Christmas archive from this year and from Christmas 2007. In the archive, you’ll find both fun and serious resources including videos, music, funny stories, touching stories, and news about the attempt to “diversify” Christmas by the political left.

We at Ft. Hard Knox wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and a festive holiday season.

Snowman Humor

A little seasonal humor found around the web (a big ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ to Ron!)

Straight No Chaser: 12 Days of Christmas

This video has received nearly 10M hits since it was posted by mikado95 on YouTube in 2006. From the Straight No Chaser Website, where you can buy the CD:

“Originally formed a dozen years ago while students together at Indiana University, the a cappella group has reassembled and reemerged after their video for ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’ became a phenomenon with almost 8 million views on YouTube. In an era when so much pop music is the product of digital processing and vocal pro-tooling, Straight No Chaser is the real deal- the captivating sound of ten unadulterated human voices coming together to make extraordinary music that is moving people in a fundamental sense…and with a sense of humor.”

 

Santa Humor

A little seasonal humor found around the web (a big ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ to Ron!)

A Soldier’s Silent Night (Music and Lyrics)

This poem was written by Lance Corporal James M. Schmidt in 1986. It was recorded by Father Ted Berndt of Bread of Life Charismatic Episcopal Church in Dousman, Wisconsin, who was alos a Marine and WWII Purple Heart recipient.

His son has a website dedicated for the song: SoldiersSilentNight.com

LISTEN HERE

Lyrics, courtesy of the Tank Master Gunner:

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE,

IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,

AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,

NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,

ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.

WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,

A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,

I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE,

CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,

NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.

WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I’D JUST READ?

CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?

I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,

OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,

AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,

BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

I COULDN’T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE,

ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,

I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY;

THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,

“SANTA DON’T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON’T ASK FOR MORE,

MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS.”

THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,

I COULDN’T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP.

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL

AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT’S CHILL.

I DIDN’T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,

THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,

WHISPERED, “CARRY ON SANTA, IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE.”

ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.”

Also see: A Soldier’s Christmas

Web 2.0 Christmas Links

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bring Him Home, Santa (Video and Lyrics)

Updated for Christmas 2008: Because it’s that time of year, again, and we’re still fighting a war.

Original Post 12/21/07: This video was created by (YouTube) JimmyJohns009 for Christmas this year, and was sent to me by my friend, Sandie, in Melbourne. Scroll down for the lyrics. Tear alert.

 

Dear Santa, I need to change my Christmas list
There’s one big thing I missed
You see, my Daddy’s working
far away from here.

And you know, Santa,
I asked for a Barbie doll,
And brand new soccer ball,
But you know, I’d trade it all
For just one gift this year.

(Chorus)

Bring him home, Santa.
Bring him home to Mom and me.
Let us wake up Christmas morning
And find him standing by our tree.

You can pick him up on your way,
He could ride there in your sleigh
Don’t make him spend Christmas all alone,
Bring him home.

And Santa, here’s a picture that I drew
Of him in his dress blues.
Mamma says our country
needs him over there.

And you know, Santa,
This whole year I have been good
I was hoping that you would
Do all you could
To answer her prayer.

(Chorus)

Bring him home, Santa.
Bring him home to Mom and me.
Let us wake up Christmas morning
And find him standing by our tree.

You can pick him up on your way,
He could ride there in your sleigh
Don’t make him spend Christmas all alone,
Bring him home. (Repeats)