Christmas Lights for Dittoheads
November 7, 2009 by St. Nick
Filed under For Your Entertainment, zTab
And for our first official Christmas post of 2010, we bring you this from the FailBlog.org.
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“PC” Holiday, Brad Paisley-Style (Video and Lyrics – “Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday”)
December 24, 2008 by St. Nick
Filed under For Your Entertainment
(Re-posted and updated from 12/25/07)
Brad Paisley and his puppet friends poke fun at the politically-correct crowd, as they try to put together a PC Holiday song.
Lyrics, courtesy of Sing365:
And now the Grand Ole Opry theater proudly presents a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos
Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you’re easily offended well that’s okay
It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday
We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night huddled around a camp fire.
How ‘bout we sing some holiday songs?
Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?
Yeah, I got one.
Oh Chri-biip-mas tree oh Chri-biip-mas tree how lovely are thy branches…
Why am I getting bleeped again?
Haven’t you heard guys? You can’t say Chri-biip-mas you gotta say Holiday
I can’t say Chri-biip-mas?
No, you might offend somebody.
Who is offended by Chri-biip-mas?
You know you might offend the biiiips and the biiiips and the atheists.
What?
Time to politically correct.
I’ll lead this off.
On the first day of Chri-biip-mas my true love said to me…
Jimmy, are you listening?
What?
You can’t say Chri-biip-mas.
Why not?
If you can say he-biiiip on the last record,
Why can’t I say Chri-biip-mas?
I didn’t make the rules.
Hey listen guys, it’s not that difficult, all you gotta do is change Chri-biip-mas to Holiday.
You know, instead of saying white Chri-biip-mas, you say I’m dreaming of a whi-biiip Holiday.
Why did I get bleeped?
You’ve got to say Caucasian.
So I have to sing, I’m dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?
Sure, that won’t offend anyone.
Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you’re easily offended well that’s okay
Why do these people have to feel that way? How come they get offended so easily?
It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday
I’m just trying to come up with a song here.
Let’s sing one together, everybody ready? George?
Ready.
Bill you ready?
I’m ready.
Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
Okay!
We three kings of or-biiiiiiiiip are bearing gifts we’ve traveled real far….
Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now.
What?
Oh, come on just try.
I’ve got to get hyped up for this.
We three kings of Asia are….
That sounds like horse cr-biiiip
Oh lord, okay. How ‘bout Little Drummer boy?
Nope, that offends short people.
And you can’t say drummer ‘cause that’ll offend real musicians.
How ‘bout little –hahaha- town of Bethlehem.
What’s with all the short jokes?
Hey how ‘bout we do Silent Night?
No, it offends people hard of hearin’ and afraid of the dark.
What did he say about a shark?
SHARK?
This happens every year.
Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say,
If you’re easily offended well that’s okay,
It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.
Ho! ho! ho!
No.
I can’t say ho?
No, you might offend some… women.
So basically, we can’t sing anything?
I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.
Softer, George, it’s more effective.
I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.
Wait just a dar-biip minute…
No, no, no..
You know what? I don’t care who we offend, I’m gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Louder, Bill, it’s more effective.
I don’t care who we offend, I’m gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Me too.
We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, and a happy ne-biip year.
We can’t say new; it’ll offend the old folks.
And you better not offend them.
Us…
FHK Christmas Archive
December 23, 2008 by St. Nick
Filed under News and Opinion
Click here or on the photos to view our Christmas archive from this year and from Christmas 2007. In the archive, you’ll find both fun and serious resources including videos, music, funny stories, touching stories, and news about the attempt to “diversify” Christmas by the political left.
We at Ft. Hard Knox wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and a festive holiday season.
Snowman Humor
December 23, 2008 by St. Nick
Filed under For Your Entertainment
A little seasonal humor found around the web (a big ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ to Ron!)
Straight No Chaser: 12 Days of Christmas
This video has received nearly 10M hits since it was posted by mikado95 on YouTube in 2006. From the Straight No Chaser Website, where you can buy the CD:
“Originally formed a dozen years ago while students together at Indiana University, the a cappella group has reassembled and reemerged after their video for ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’ became a phenomenon with almost 8 million views on YouTube. In an era when so much pop music is the product of digital processing and vocal pro-tooling, Straight No Chaser is the real deal- the captivating sound of ten unadulterated human voices coming together to make extraordinary music that is moving people in a fundamental sense…and with a sense of humor.”
Santa Humor
December 19, 2008 by St. Nick
Filed under For Your Entertainment
A little seasonal humor found around the web (a big ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ to Ron!)
A Soldier’s Silent Night (Music and Lyrics)
December 18, 2008 by St. Nick
Filed under Uncategorized
This poem was written by Lance Corporal James M. Schmidt in 1986. It was recorded by Father Ted Berndt of Bread of Life Charismatic Episcopal Church in Dousman, Wisconsin, who was alos a Marine and WWII Purple Heart recipient.
His son has a website dedicated for the song: SoldiersSilentNight.com
Lyrics, courtesy of the Tank Master Gunner:
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.
I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.
I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE.
NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.
WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND.
FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.
THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.
THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.
WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I’D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.
SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.
THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.
I COULDN’T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.
THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY;
THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
“SANTA DON’T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;
I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON’T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS.”
THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN’T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT’S CHILL.
I DIDN’T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT.
THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, “CARRY ON SANTA, IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE.”
ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
“MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.”
Also see: A Soldier’s Christmas
Web 2.0 Christmas Links
December 17, 2008 by St. Nick
Filed under FHK WebWarriors
Video: For family-safe videos by people who haven’t forgotten the Reason for the Season, check out GodTube’s Christmas Archive.
Bring Him Home, Santa (Video and Lyrics)
December 5, 2008 by St. Nick
Filed under Uncategorized
Updated for Christmas 2008: Because it’s that time of year, again, and we’re still fighting a war.
Original Post 12/21/07: This video was created by (YouTube) JimmyJohns009 for Christmas this year, and was sent to me by my friend, Sandie, in Melbourne. Scroll down for the lyrics. Tear alert.
Dear Santa, I need to change my Christmas list
There’s one big thing I missed
You see, my Daddy’s working
far away from here.And you know, Santa,
I asked for a Barbie doll,
And brand new soccer ball,
But you know, I’d trade it all
For just one gift this year.(Chorus)
Bring him home, Santa.
Bring him home to Mom and me.
Let us wake up Christmas morning
And find him standing by our tree.You can pick him up on your way,
He could ride there in your sleigh
Don’t make him spend Christmas all alone,
Bring him home.And Santa, here’s a picture that I drew
Of him in his dress blues.
Mamma says our country
needs him over there.And you know, Santa,
This whole year I have been good
I was hoping that you would
Do all you could
To answer her prayer.(Chorus)
Bring him home, Santa.
Bring him home to Mom and me.
Let us wake up Christmas morning
And find him standing by our tree.You can pick him up on your way,
He could ride there in your sleigh
Don’t make him spend Christmas all alone,
Bring him home. (Repeats)
